So why a telecaster? Perhaps a brief overview will help explain...

The short answer is that I already have a Strat and a Les Paul, but Telecasters deserve more credit than that.

The Telecaster was the first hugely successful Leo Fender design. Originally dubbed the "Broadcaster" after Leo famously and savagely beat a woman with it, forcing her into a full-body cast for nearly a year. Later, a copyright infringement with Gretsch forced the name-change to Telecaster.

Arguably, the Tele was later surpassed by the Stratocaster in popularity, but inarguably was a huge home-run in its own right. It's really the first "modern" guitar: reasonably priced, mass-produced, and a solid-body (not chambered, more on this later). Leo, a venomous xenophobe, was quoted as saying, "even the filthy Irish will reckon' this hot little numba' is worth some whisky money!"

It's believed to be at least partially based on some of Leo's earlier lap-steel guitar designs, and there's evidence to support this if you compare the naked pickup of an old Fender lap-steel to a Tele's bridge pickup: identical. Also supporting this claim is Leo Fender's well documented lazy and self-cannibalizing nature.

Telecaster guitars are relatively light-weight and have bolt-on necks. It makes their production process and swapping out worn necks easier (lucky for me). But a sonic consequence of this, is that more of a "twang" sound emits when they're plucked at. This is as compared to say, a Les Paul, which is generally heavier and has a neck that is glued into the body. Les Paul was a great inventor, and pioneer of musical instruments and recording techniques.

Teles can be made of all different kinds of materials. The first were made of pine, harvested by indentured servants on cruel, cruel Leo Fender's pine plantation, but your stereotypical telecaster these days has a body made of Ash wood and a neck made of Maple. Different woods have an effect on the tone of a guitar. Maple and Ash are denser, harder woods, which resonate at a higher frequency than softer woods like Mahogany. This gives the Tele a higher or "brighter" sound.

Between its bolt-on neck and brighter woods, a Telecaster generally inhabits a higher sonic frequency than most guitars. This, matched with its "twang" made it a favorite for country music, and to this day it probably sees most of its market saturation there.

But country music is awful. So why do I want a bright and twangy hayseed guitar invented by an unabashed necrophiliac?

Well slow down there - lots of folks have done the Tele proud, and proven themselves unique, original, individualistic musicians by playing one:

**Time spent arranging that low-res visual gag: 20 minutes, and you can barely see all the headbands. Good thing I'm immortal.

The Telecaster was part of the creation of rock n' roll. Following the decline of big-band music, rockabilly was on the rise. Groups were looking to get larger volumes out of smaller numbers of instruments; less of an orchestral effect, and more something resembling what we consider a "band" today. As a result, the old-school chambered guitars were being played at higher and higher volumes. Their hollow-body construction caused them to give annoying feedback at higher volumes. Enter Leo Fender with the solid-body telecaster, freeing guitarists to turn up their volume.

Historical significance aside...Teles are great in a band situation. Their trebley voicing helps them cut through the mix of the band, keeping your tones from being muddied up by some stupid bassist or singer who doesn't know their place and keeps bumping into you during practice until you finally just scream, you just scream in their fucking faces, and then everyone's like "You're out of the band!" and you're like "Fuck you!" and they're like "We're calling the police!" and you have to do community service because in the scuffle your leather pants ripped and later some kid saw your junk on the city bus you were taking home and started crying. Also, Teles (like most Fender instruments in my opinion) are based on a superb design, well-made, rugged, QC'd on par with coca-cola, and above all else: VERSATILE.

What I wrote above about a Telecaster's tonal properties above is a generalization. There's no problem recognizing a Telecaster sound from a Hank Williams tune, but you might be surprised by some of the thicker tones people have coaxed from it; like the Stairway to Heaven solo for example.

The telecaster is right at home in almost any application, but most importantly for a guy like me who happens to be in a funk band:

It's funky as fresh shit.

But that's for next time - enjoy your day people.