paintin' it up real nice

So in my last installment, i showed you a picture of the wood with its previous crappy paint job splayed all over its hapless form. The poor thing was scared. Its last owner had chopped and scraped it all up on purpose to make it appealing to chronofetishists. After much sanding, I was able to bring it back to its pure form. But now it lay naked, frightened even, before me. So here's how we went about restoring this fine piece of swamp ash.

1.) Purchased 3 bottles of nitro lacquer from "Reranch" -- a place on the internet that sells nitro-paint products in aerosol cans. Ingenious! I bought one honey-blond, one black, one clear-coat nitro. Check them out, they have really cool stuff, and great instructions in their forums.

2.) Moved it to the porch, and laid down layer after layer of the honey-blond. Here it is painted up real nice:


I didn't do a prime coat first, because ash is a dense wood, and doesn't always require a primer coat. I just went straight spray-can to wood.

So this, if I wanted, could be the end, and I'd have a pretty straight-f0rward classic looking telecaster. But I wanted to do something a little more edgy.

3.) So I grabbed the black can, and kinda attempted a sort of burst outwards from the center, with the edges darker black. The result was as follows:

Not too too shabby. It's hard to do this by hand, an I feel the "burst" effect towards the bottom is very uneven. Aerosol cans can be tricky with this kinda shit, and it was kinda spitting out unevenly at points. What I'm gonna do, is pick the two trouble areas at the bottom, mask everything else off, and lightly spray a little more black on, to even everything out more. There's also some funky stuff going on in the edges I'm going to have to sand down, and respray black, but shouldn't be a problem.

The back was a little trickier, as it had picked up alot of newspaper from the TOP of the guitar's sides getting sprayed. So it looked like this:It all had to be sanded off. Big pain. Then it got its turn in my hi-tech workshop:
I'd say for the most part, I'm done with the painting. I just have to do 3 changes - 1.) clean up the bursting on the guitar's lower half 2.) Sand and re-paint some yellow showing through the black on the lower side 3,) Sand and re-paint some yellow should through the black on the top side.

After that, I can get into the nitro-finish. That's what I'm truly dreading. Apparently you have to do all these coats, and then wet-sand them in between. It just sounds like a bitch of a job. This whole refinishing nonsense is NOT what I originally intended to do, but now that it's almost done, I'm kinda glad it happened. The more of the project I put together myself, the more the guitar is truly mine.

I'm gonna try to wrap up the painting this weekend, let it dry out real good over the week, and then start doing the nitro clear-coat finishes next weekend. Once that's all finished, I'll have to start picking up the nuts and bolts to put this sucker together: pickguard, tone pots, selector switch, bridge plate, bridge saddles, etc. And the biggest decision of them all: What pickups to use? I have a brand in mind, but we'll have to see if I can get lucky off craigslist, cause they're expensive.

until later.

The Body Revisited...

God damn it.

The body just sat there and bothered me. It mocked me. Saying things like "your life is the way it is because you settle on garbage like me instead of taking the time to do things right"

God damn it.

I decided I didn't like it. I decided the way it looked...it just didn't look cool or original. I hated that it wasn't nitro-finished, I came to hate the wood grain, I just...I couldn't settle on it.

So I sold it on craigslist for $120, for those of you keeping track, it's a $5 profit, but not if you count what time is worth.

I went back on ebay, but just couldn't find a swamp ash body to my specs that I liked the finish on. So we're doing this instead.

It looks like this:

1.) Ash Wood - CHECK - This is now a SWAMP ASH body, which I had preferred originally.
2.) Routed - CHECK - Routed out for pickups, controls, and input jack
3.) Finished - FAIL - Some ass hole took this, sprayed one tiny coat of nitro paint on it, and purposely scuffed it up, so he could sell it for $20 more bucks on ebay as "reliced". You know how I feel about reliced shit. This unchecked aggression will not stand dude, I am refinishing the damn thing.
4.) Standard Neck Pocket - CHECK - This was easy, everything I looked at that wasn't a blank piece of wood was drilled to the standard size
5.) Not drilled for pickguard installation - FAIL - I have given up on this. I'm also realizing the longer I'm in my funk band, that with the constant right hand "Chicka-chicka" strumming, my pick guard actually serves a pretty damn good purpose.

The body itself seems ok, the only problem is that I basically purchased a body blank. I am going to have to refinish it myself.

God damn it.

This makes the whole project about 20 times harder.

Look what this ass hole did to this thing ON PURPOSE:

Doesn't that look like totally natural belt-buckle scuffing? No. It looks like some doorknob licker scraped a penny up and down the back of a barely painted guitar.

So I've sanded the whole thing down, this is what it looks like unmolested with a fake little paper pickguard on it:


The grain's not very pretty. I believe this is what you'd call "paint grade" wood. So I'm going to paint it.

I'm going to go with a class butter-scotch yellow, with black bursting out to the sides. Kind of a bumble-bee looking type deal.

God damn it, I don't even have a garage to do this shit in.

...God damn it.

The Neck

Sorry for my absence from this blog, my writing responsibilities lay elsewhere for a few months. Rest assured: this tele is still getting built.
--------
Onto the neck.

If you have 2 girls' numbers in your cell phone, and one has runny pimples all over her back, you will call the other girl. Similarly, but less disgustingly, If one guitar's neck does not play comfortably: you will simply always play your other guitar. In my opinion - this makes the neck the most important part of a guitar. All the tone and aesthetic appeal in the world will not make me pick up a guitar that is not comfortable to play. And if I'm not playing it, what's the point?

So, it was with some consternation I went about the task of purchasing a neck I would never actually touch before buying. I was VERY fucking consterned.

Luckily, there are plenty of aspects to a neck that can be spec'd out. If you're diligent about these, you can narrow down the possibility of getting a dud.

1.) Shaft Materials

The same rules apply here as did with my selection of a body. Denser woods resonate at a higher frequency, emitting a brighter tone, blah blah blah. Maple was the way to go. Most Fender and Fender-style guitars have maple necks anyway, so you're more likely to find this than some silly exotic wood. Although I did see some pretty badass looking necks made from crazy woods on ebay

<--- Por ejemplo.
They just weren't the direction I wanted to go in for this axe.

2.) Fingerboard Wood

Alot of guitars will have a maple neck with a darker, rosewood fingerboard glued onto it. I previously owned a guitar in this configuration, and was not a big fan of the rosewood. I prefer a maple fingerboard. To my fingers, they feel smoother and faster. Also, as a rank amateur, I'm often looking at my hands while I play, and it's easier to make out where I am on a bright maple fingerboard. Some people think rosewood fingerboards have a darker sound, and I suppose that might be kind of true, as it is a less dense wood than maple, but most of that is probably psychological. People see the darker color and think darker tone. Guitar racists.

3.) Shaft Shape

Necks have different profiles. Older guitars tend to have larger, clunkier "D" shaped baseball bat type necks. Newer ones are usually contoured to a thinner "C" shape, for faster playing. This is totally a matter of preference. I've played on "V" shaped models (I think one of the Clapton signature series has this contour) and actually found them very comfortable. These are especially suited for rock n roll players, who like to choke up on the neck, and dangle their thumbs over the top, the V really fills in the palm of your hand comfortably for this style of playing. But I don't have such big hands, so I need to push my wrist out in front of the fretboard more, and keep my thumb behind the neck to hit all the notes I need to. Also, anything that helps my speed without requiring hour after hour of running scales over a metronome, I am AAAALLL for. So I'll be going with a thinner modern "C" shape profile.

I had always heard about neck shapes in terms of "C" "V" and "D" shapes, but the below graphic utilizes some different terminology that I've also seen bandied about the internet chat rooms. (Courtesty of some dude @ TDPRI)

You'll notice it's basically as I explained. Ibanez necks are more "metal" and are shaved down closer to be faster. The Clapton neck is very pointed, almost like a "V", etc etc.

4.) Fretboard Radius

This is so important. I would say that fretboard radius, combined with the contour of the neck, is what people are talking about when they describe the "feel" of a neck. Most fretboards have a slight curve to them, the severity of this curve, is calculated as if the curve were extended to complete an entire circle, and then its radius was measured. Thus: fretboard radius. The larger the radius, the larger the "circle", which means the slope of the neck is more subtle, so the larger the radius, the flatter the fretboard.

A curved fretboard is much more comfortable, and makes bends easier, but it has the disadvantage of "Fretting out", where strings won't ring properly if bent too far, especially higher notes. Some modern guitars, especially metal-type guitars, have a completely flat fretboard to eliminate this problem, but I find these very unnatural feeling to play on. I find the happy medium to be at around 10".

There are also new "hybrid" necks, that have a curved fretboard below the 12th fret, but above the 12th fret go flatter, for easier solo-ing. This seems confusing, unnatural, and expensive though. We won't be doing this.

5.) Frets

My current strat (like many newer guitars) has jumbo frets. These are tall frets, that cause enough leverage on the string, that you don't need to fully press the string to the fretboard to get a note out of it. IN FACT, if you do force a string all the way to the fretboard, it plays a little out of tune. Frets are really important I'm sure, but I just don't know enough about them to have a preference. I'll probably get jumbo frets if I see them, if not, oh well.

6.) Finish

Just like with the body, I'll be Looking for a Nitro finish, so it will age nicely.

7.) That's about it. I also want a classic Fender looking head-stock, no weird shapes like so:










aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.....


SURPRISE --> I've already got the neck. In fact, I got it months ago, just haven't had time to write about it. here it is:



Bought it off of Ebay for $300, which is great, cause it puts me under my $350 budget. It's not a Fender after-market, like I planned on buying, those were all very expensive. This was originally from Musikraft, a company in New Jersey. The big names in replacement necks are Warmoth and Mighty Mite. Mighty Mite makes shit. Warmoth is good, but expensive. Musikraft is a well-reviewed smaller operation, and I'm happy with how this neck looks and feels.

The guy who sold it to me bought it for $350 for a project he had to abandon. After he shipped it, he called me up and talked my ear off about telecaster building...then we slowly realized that he was a country music red-neck and I was a funky LA weirdo. Things became uncomfortable as he asked questions like "So, do you play much fingerstyle?" and I would answer "Only when my bassist borrows my pick to snort coke off of."

Anyway, I really like the flamed maple on this, very sharp. The finish is a nice nitrocellulose lacquer, and it feels good in my hand. Calling this a success for now. We'll see how it all comes together.



Until next time...

(I spared you the usual "wood/genitalia" puns in this posting, but just for the record...shaft shape.)

I Want to Rock this Body

Well, there were some close calls...













But I've purchased my body:


For those of you keeping track (all 3 of you losers), here's how I did with my requirements:

1.) Ash Wood - CHECK - This is a Northern Ash Body
2.) Routed - CHECK - Routed out for pickups, controls, and input jack
3.) Finished - CHECK - Tobacco Burst Polyurethane Finish
4.) Standard Neck Pocket - CHECK - This was easy, everything I looked at that wasn't a blank piece of wood was drilled to the standard size
5.) Not drilled for pickguard installation - CHECK - I can leave the wood bare.

How did I do with my goodies?

1.) Swamp Ash - FAIL - These were either all too expensive and/or routed for pickguards

2.) Nitro Body - FAIL - The only reasonably priced tobacco-burst bodies I could find were from the Highway One series Fender Telecaster. But these are made from Alder, not Ash, so that was a no go. Also, they were all routed for pickguard installation.

3.) String Through - CHECK - This wasn't hard to find, most of the Teles I saw were routed for string through.

What did I pay? $100 on ebay + $15 shipping. Which is chicken feed when you're heir to a chicken feed fortune like I am, from my father's chicken feed empire.

That's where I came out on top. If I'm to be a man of my word, and insist that finish and # of pieces of wood in the body won't have a noticeable effect on the ultimate tone, then I should be happy with my purchase and the fact that I saved roughly $150.

What does stick in my craw though, is the lack of a nitro finish. The Poly finish is really nice and striking at first; the wood looks like it's encased in glass. But the more I look at it, the more I wish it was nitro. The high gloss over the wood grain just seems...tacky? And to know it's going to stay that way and not wear in...it bothers me aesthetically. We'll have to see if I decide to pursue some refinishing options further down the road.

For now though, I'm happy, and am moving forward in my hunt for a neck.

However, I would like to take a moment to bitch about something that really upset me while I was searching for a body. I noticed this across ebay and craiglist. Basically, the older and more beat up a guitar was, the MORE it was worth! And when I say old, I'm not even going that far back: I'm talking 1980's bodies were going for a ton. What's to blame for this? RELICING.

No, not re-licing: RELIC-ing...why would anyone lice something again? That's just weird dude, why would you think that?

In case you're unfamiliar, let me sum up what relicing is in a little narrative you might hear from someone who purchases reliced instruments:

“I really enjoy rock n’ roll. Not just the music, but all the symbols, the icons. A cigarette-burned stratocaster, a Les Paul with belt buckle scuffing on its back and an imperfection where the neck cracked and had to be repaired.

I like to look at an aged, yellowed fretboard, and imagine all the cigarette-smoke, spilled beer, and hand sweat that turned it that color. I like to imagine the person who smoked that cigarette during his gig, and if his band ever made it. I like to imagine the drunk who spilled the beer, if it caused a fight, and if it did, who won?

Beat up old instruments represent rock n' roll to me. There's an aspect of freedom, but the knowledge that with that freedom comes a little ugliness, and some tough times. Some dirt and sweat and dues-paying in small smelly clubs. But it’s rock n’ roll, so you just push on through. Maybe if you keep at it, one night the band will really be on point, your licks will all be tight, the room will sound great, the crowd will go wild, and you’ll get a good cut of the door. This all means so much to me, that I want my instrument to reflect it.

So what I’m going to do is pay an extra $1000 for every part of my guitar so that someone else can manufacture it new, and then rub dirt all over it for me. I’m also gonna have it treated with a chemical compound that will give it that real authentic “vintage” look. How expensive is the compound? Pretty expensive, let me tell you! Don’t forget the oxidized metal with “realistic” rust on it, I’ll have mine in chrome please! I’ll pick all this up from the post office, then get back in my BMW and drive to work at the bank I manage, where I secretly slam my dick in the top drawer of my desk when no one’s looking.

Then, once the weekend comes, I’ll put on a pair of ripped jeans I just bought yesterday, tell my 18 year old mail-order wife not to bother me until the viagra kicks in, plug into the Marshal half-stack I bought at Guitar Center and just ROCK the FUCK OUT!”

You stupid motherfuckers.

My socio-philosophical indignance regarding the basic premise aside, these items don’t even look like the real thing to me. It’s like a person: think about a thing that is fucked up about a person you know, maybe someone who’s in jail. They’re REALLY fucked up! There is no way you could imagine a problem like that existing in someone ahead of time, nevermind visualize it and reproduce its occurrence.

Beat up old instruments are just like that – they’re actually old and beat up. They don’t look so good, and alot of times have major holes routed in them, or gashes. The whole “relicing” procedure is basically a spray-tan of dirt. It’s utterly false, and I want no part in it.

What's way way way worse than all of this though, is that it means there are no more thrift store guitars! You can't find a "beat up old six-string" that still sounds great, and get a good deal on it, because some impotent baby boomer is willing to pay EXTRA for it to look beat up! Just so he can hang it on a wall in his basement and never play it.

Fucking shame.

That being said, I have to admit I wouldn't turn my nose up to a Rory Gallagher signature strat...

Keeping It Under a Grand: The Body

I am not a rich man.

I am known to splurge on the occasional steak dinner, and I refuse to cut my own hair, but I also use coupons at Carls Jr. and will ride three buses before taking a cab. So I will be practicing similar monk-like frugality with this project as well.

Unlike most other DIY projects, homebrew guitars have a nasty habit of costing more than buying a brand new one, and still turning out at a lower quality. Kind of sucks, right? This is particularly true of a first guitar project, as you have to purchase all kinds of git constructing materials like wood glue, a soldering iron, swastika embossed pickguards, etc. Luckily, I have a pretty good set of tools on-hand and a good junk box of stuff from older projects.

Here's my tool:









Here's my junk:










Another drawback when competing against an off-the-shelf guitar though, is cost of materials. Obviously Fender can purchase bulk lumber at a cheaper price than me, and afford to sell their guitars for less than I could make one, because they move so much volume. So the trick becomes what corners can I cut while still coming up with a quality instrument. Using my own cockamamie theories and flimsy grasp of sonic physics, I'll attempt to keep costs low, while ultimately ending up with a great sounding and looking guitar. Here's my plan to keep it under a grand for...

THE BODY

The guitar's body is just a big hunk of routed-out wood. Despite it being the bulk of the instrument's weight, I'm least worried about fucking this part up: it's just a big hunk of wood, who fucking cares, right? So I can cut some corners...

TYPE OF WOOD - I want it to be made of Ash, because I want this Tele to sound like a Tele, but I'm going to go with the cheaper Northern ash, instead of the more expensive southern swamp ash. Swamp Ash is prettier, lighter, and warmer sounding. Northern ash is not as pretty, heavier, and brighter sounding. If a nice piece of Swamp Ash comes by, I'll grab it, but this is a compromise I can make. Tele's are supposed to be bright sounding anyway.

This is the wood I'll be sportin'

You'll see as this process wears on, that I kind of have a "when in doubt, go heavy" attitude about woods and metal anyway. I can't really tell a good cut of wood from a bad one, so I figure by going heavy, at least I won't get a thin-sounding or structurally unsound guitar. Just kinda hedging my bets. Either way, as long as I have a piece of ash, I think I'll be in the ballpark.

# OF PIECES - Here's something I really don't give a shit about. Some guitar bodies are made of two or three glued together different pieces. It's generally more expensive to get your hands on a one-piece body. In theory, it would resonate better than glued together pieces. Can anyone tell the difference? Of course not! At least I can't, and I will be the one playing this guitar.

FINISH - Ever notice how guitars are all pretty and shiny, have ya' fuckface? Of course you have, you and your fucking face have noticed! That's because they're generally always treated with some kind of chemical finish. I won't be doing this myself, as I am an apartment dweller and can't be messing with messy chemical finishes that need to ventilate and dry. So I'll need something pre-finished.

There's different kinds, but the basic options here are Polyurethane and Nitrocellulose; nitro being the pricier option. Older instruments and more expensive modern instruments will use a nitrocellulose finish. This is desirable because it ages better, slowly wearing away and darkening to an antiqued yellow-ish vintage type look. It also supposedly allows the guitar to reverberate more naturally, as it's a thinner finish. Polyurethane is the cheaper alternative, and doesn't so much age or wear away, as chip. It does however, have its own appeal as a very glossy finish. Supposedly, its thicker finish hampers the tone of the guitar's wood.

While I don't buy into the the thick or thinner finishes really having an effect on overall tone, I do like the idea of a guitar that will age nicely and become more beautiful with time. I would like a body with a nice wood grain, and a finish that accents it, rather than a solid paint job. Thus, I'll be keeping an eye out for a nitrocellulose finished body.

STRING THROUGH/TOP LOADED
I can either mount the strings THROUGH the guitar's body, or through the metal bridge on its top. This one's kind of a no-brainer for me. I'm going to go with String Through body. If music is vibration-> and it's the guitar's strings that are vibrating-> the more of that string touching the wood-> the more the wood is vibrating-> thus making the wood more musical-> dig? Could be utter bullshit, but it just makes sense to me. At the very least, I should get more sustain out of notes with this approach. Plus it's free, because if I get a body not drilled for String-Through I can always drill it out myself.

POCKET MEASUREMENTS
I'm looking to do the least amount of work necessary here, so I'll want the pocket for the neck to be the standard measurement. A quick googling tells me this is 2 3/16" X 3". This will save me a lot of grief when looking for, and ultimately trying to fit a neck.









PICKGUARD
Now this is not part of the body, and is an aesthetic choice, but will ultimately have great bearing on what body I select, as I have decided not to mount a pickguard on my tele. I just feel it will look more unique, and as I am looking for something with a nice finish, I don't want a piece of stupid plastic covering up all the nice wood. You generally don't see teles without pickguards, as the neck pickup usually screws into the pickguard. I'll have to mount mine to the body instead. Because of this decision, I won't be able to use any bodies that are pre-drilled for pickguard screws, unless I want a bunch of ugly holes all over my guitar. This cuts out alot of used bodies or Fender licensed bodies as viable options.

So these are my basic requirements:

1.) Ash Wood
2.) Routed
3.) Finished
4.) Standard Neck Pocket
5.) Not drilled for pickguard installation

And these are the "goodies" I'm looking for, but can live without:

1.) Swamp Ash
2.) Nitro Finish
3.) String-through

Now, if you're a normal human who has stumbled upon this blog and felt like reading a little about guitar construction, or if you're a friend of mine, reading to be nice, you probably think everything I've said above is fairly reasonable. Believe me: a guitar weirdo is currently reading this and freaking out over some of the statements I've made. Probably to the tune of:

"Nitrocellulose reverberates at a frequency of 1.21 jigowatts and causes a huge difference in tone! Also swamp ash isn't "WARMER" than Northern ash, it's "DARKER", those are not proper tone descriptors!"

This same man beats his dog until he sees blood.

There are a lot of elements that make up a guitar's tone, and a guitar's tone is just another piece in the puzzle of your OVERALL tone. Yes, ideally, you should do everything you can, every step of the way, to make everything sound as good as it possibly can. But ultimately, when the guitar's playable, I'll be pushing its signal through several effects boxes, and blasting it through an amp in some noisy club. Probably with a few beers in me. Ok, DEFINITELY with a few beers in me.

Trust me: you can skimp on some of this shit. I am going cheap on the body, but this will allow me to NOT go cheap on some other parts, which I feel are more important. Here's some worst-case scenario figures I have in mind right now:

Body: $250
Neck: $350
Pickups: $250
Hardware: $150

This will bring me in at $1000. A Fender Standard American Tele lists for about $1000. I'd like to come in WELL UNDER that figure, and I think I have enough tricks up my sleeve to not only beat it in price, but completely blow it away in both looks and tone. It also doesn't hurt your chances when you're ok buying used and blemished.

Off to ebay...

So why a telecaster? Perhaps a brief overview will help explain...

The short answer is that I already have a Strat and a Les Paul, but Telecasters deserve more credit than that.

The Telecaster was the first hugely successful Leo Fender design. Originally dubbed the "Broadcaster" after Leo famously and savagely beat a woman with it, forcing her into a full-body cast for nearly a year. Later, a copyright infringement with Gretsch forced the name-change to Telecaster.

Arguably, the Tele was later surpassed by the Stratocaster in popularity, but inarguably was a huge home-run in its own right. It's really the first "modern" guitar: reasonably priced, mass-produced, and a solid-body (not chambered, more on this later). Leo, a venomous xenophobe, was quoted as saying, "even the filthy Irish will reckon' this hot little numba' is worth some whisky money!"

It's believed to be at least partially based on some of Leo's earlier lap-steel guitar designs, and there's evidence to support this if you compare the naked pickup of an old Fender lap-steel to a Tele's bridge pickup: identical. Also supporting this claim is Leo Fender's well documented lazy and self-cannibalizing nature.

Telecaster guitars are relatively light-weight and have bolt-on necks. It makes their production process and swapping out worn necks easier (lucky for me). But a sonic consequence of this, is that more of a "twang" sound emits when they're plucked at. This is as compared to say, a Les Paul, which is generally heavier and has a neck that is glued into the body. Les Paul was a great inventor, and pioneer of musical instruments and recording techniques.

Teles can be made of all different kinds of materials. The first were made of pine, harvested by indentured servants on cruel, cruel Leo Fender's pine plantation, but your stereotypical telecaster these days has a body made of Ash wood and a neck made of Maple. Different woods have an effect on the tone of a guitar. Maple and Ash are denser, harder woods, which resonate at a higher frequency than softer woods like Mahogany. This gives the Tele a higher or "brighter" sound.

Between its bolt-on neck and brighter woods, a Telecaster generally inhabits a higher sonic frequency than most guitars. This, matched with its "twang" made it a favorite for country music, and to this day it probably sees most of its market saturation there.

But country music is awful. So why do I want a bright and twangy hayseed guitar invented by an unabashed necrophiliac?

Well slow down there - lots of folks have done the Tele proud, and proven themselves unique, original, individualistic musicians by playing one:

**Time spent arranging that low-res visual gag: 20 minutes, and you can barely see all the headbands. Good thing I'm immortal.

The Telecaster was part of the creation of rock n' roll. Following the decline of big-band music, rockabilly was on the rise. Groups were looking to get larger volumes out of smaller numbers of instruments; less of an orchestral effect, and more something resembling what we consider a "band" today. As a result, the old-school chambered guitars were being played at higher and higher volumes. Their hollow-body construction caused them to give annoying feedback at higher volumes. Enter Leo Fender with the solid-body telecaster, freeing guitarists to turn up their volume.

Historical significance aside...Teles are great in a band situation. Their trebley voicing helps them cut through the mix of the band, keeping your tones from being muddied up by some stupid bassist or singer who doesn't know their place and keeps bumping into you during practice until you finally just scream, you just scream in their fucking faces, and then everyone's like "You're out of the band!" and you're like "Fuck you!" and they're like "We're calling the police!" and you have to do community service because in the scuffle your leather pants ripped and later some kid saw your junk on the city bus you were taking home and started crying. Also, Teles (like most Fender instruments in my opinion) are based on a superb design, well-made, rugged, QC'd on par with coca-cola, and above all else: VERSATILE.

What I wrote above about a Telecaster's tonal properties above is a generalization. There's no problem recognizing a Telecaster sound from a Hank Williams tune, but you might be surprised by some of the thicker tones people have coaxed from it; like the Stairway to Heaven solo for example.

The telecaster is right at home in almost any application, but most importantly for a guy like me who happens to be in a funk band:

It's funky as fresh shit.

But that's for next time - enjoy your day people.

Parts-Caster

Hello,

I'm making a telecaster from parts I buy off of Ebay and Craigslist, and have decided to blog about this.

I am not going to make the body.
I am not going to make the neck.

Why would you assume I'd do so much work? Is it because you're an ass hole?

I will fit the neck to the body, probably do some wood-filling/patching, install the electronics and hardware myself, and attempt a decent setup. Along the way, I'll be explaining the reasons motivating my preferences and choices.

Some of these choices will be based on what I think will produce the best sounding guitar. I'll go into detail about different tones I want to produce, and some ideas about what sounds "good" and why. I'll try to place this in a mildly historical context of modern popular music as well.

Yet some more of these choices will be based on my expansive and preternatural knowledge of Rock n' Roll music, and what is good for it.

Yet even some more will be based on my impeccable aesthetic sense of what disparate parts will make a cool guitar once clumsily glued, screwed, or soldered together ("Glued and screwed" did I just write the tag line for the next Larry the Cable Guy movie?).

As I am the fucking man, it probably behooves you to read every one of my posts twice. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Maybe pull out a dictionary and buy my seperately sold Cliff Notes to help you cut through some of the subtext.

Please hold tight my hand, gird your loins, double-check to make sure you girded them up REAL nice, and take the first steps of this journey with me...as I build a telecaster.