I Want to Rock this Body

Well, there were some close calls...













But I've purchased my body:


For those of you keeping track (all 3 of you losers), here's how I did with my requirements:

1.) Ash Wood - CHECK - This is a Northern Ash Body
2.) Routed - CHECK - Routed out for pickups, controls, and input jack
3.) Finished - CHECK - Tobacco Burst Polyurethane Finish
4.) Standard Neck Pocket - CHECK - This was easy, everything I looked at that wasn't a blank piece of wood was drilled to the standard size
5.) Not drilled for pickguard installation - CHECK - I can leave the wood bare.

How did I do with my goodies?

1.) Swamp Ash - FAIL - These were either all too expensive and/or routed for pickguards

2.) Nitro Body - FAIL - The only reasonably priced tobacco-burst bodies I could find were from the Highway One series Fender Telecaster. But these are made from Alder, not Ash, so that was a no go. Also, they were all routed for pickguard installation.

3.) String Through - CHECK - This wasn't hard to find, most of the Teles I saw were routed for string through.

What did I pay? $100 on ebay + $15 shipping. Which is chicken feed when you're heir to a chicken feed fortune like I am, from my father's chicken feed empire.

That's where I came out on top. If I'm to be a man of my word, and insist that finish and # of pieces of wood in the body won't have a noticeable effect on the ultimate tone, then I should be happy with my purchase and the fact that I saved roughly $150.

What does stick in my craw though, is the lack of a nitro finish. The Poly finish is really nice and striking at first; the wood looks like it's encased in glass. But the more I look at it, the more I wish it was nitro. The high gloss over the wood grain just seems...tacky? And to know it's going to stay that way and not wear in...it bothers me aesthetically. We'll have to see if I decide to pursue some refinishing options further down the road.

For now though, I'm happy, and am moving forward in my hunt for a neck.

However, I would like to take a moment to bitch about something that really upset me while I was searching for a body. I noticed this across ebay and craiglist. Basically, the older and more beat up a guitar was, the MORE it was worth! And when I say old, I'm not even going that far back: I'm talking 1980's bodies were going for a ton. What's to blame for this? RELICING.

No, not re-licing: RELIC-ing...why would anyone lice something again? That's just weird dude, why would you think that?

In case you're unfamiliar, let me sum up what relicing is in a little narrative you might hear from someone who purchases reliced instruments:

“I really enjoy rock n’ roll. Not just the music, but all the symbols, the icons. A cigarette-burned stratocaster, a Les Paul with belt buckle scuffing on its back and an imperfection where the neck cracked and had to be repaired.

I like to look at an aged, yellowed fretboard, and imagine all the cigarette-smoke, spilled beer, and hand sweat that turned it that color. I like to imagine the person who smoked that cigarette during his gig, and if his band ever made it. I like to imagine the drunk who spilled the beer, if it caused a fight, and if it did, who won?

Beat up old instruments represent rock n' roll to me. There's an aspect of freedom, but the knowledge that with that freedom comes a little ugliness, and some tough times. Some dirt and sweat and dues-paying in small smelly clubs. But it’s rock n’ roll, so you just push on through. Maybe if you keep at it, one night the band will really be on point, your licks will all be tight, the room will sound great, the crowd will go wild, and you’ll get a good cut of the door. This all means so much to me, that I want my instrument to reflect it.

So what I’m going to do is pay an extra $1000 for every part of my guitar so that someone else can manufacture it new, and then rub dirt all over it for me. I’m also gonna have it treated with a chemical compound that will give it that real authentic “vintage” look. How expensive is the compound? Pretty expensive, let me tell you! Don’t forget the oxidized metal with “realistic” rust on it, I’ll have mine in chrome please! I’ll pick all this up from the post office, then get back in my BMW and drive to work at the bank I manage, where I secretly slam my dick in the top drawer of my desk when no one’s looking.

Then, once the weekend comes, I’ll put on a pair of ripped jeans I just bought yesterday, tell my 18 year old mail-order wife not to bother me until the viagra kicks in, plug into the Marshal half-stack I bought at Guitar Center and just ROCK the FUCK OUT!”

You stupid motherfuckers.

My socio-philosophical indignance regarding the basic premise aside, these items don’t even look like the real thing to me. It’s like a person: think about a thing that is fucked up about a person you know, maybe someone who’s in jail. They’re REALLY fucked up! There is no way you could imagine a problem like that existing in someone ahead of time, nevermind visualize it and reproduce its occurrence.

Beat up old instruments are just like that – they’re actually old and beat up. They don’t look so good, and alot of times have major holes routed in them, or gashes. The whole “relicing” procedure is basically a spray-tan of dirt. It’s utterly false, and I want no part in it.

What's way way way worse than all of this though, is that it means there are no more thrift store guitars! You can't find a "beat up old six-string" that still sounds great, and get a good deal on it, because some impotent baby boomer is willing to pay EXTRA for it to look beat up! Just so he can hang it on a wall in his basement and never play it.

Fucking shame.

That being said, I have to admit I wouldn't turn my nose up to a Rory Gallagher signature strat...